My Weakly Contribution

I once again sat paralyzed in front of the boob tube held hostage by the zany antics of the cast and characters of my new favorite sitcom, "Merry Mikey and His Little Friends". Michael, suffering from a severe back ailment, appears in court accompanied by a physician in scrubs. In a game of one upsmanship, a member of his very own defense team, not to be outdone, is wheeled out of the courtroom on a gurney and whisked away via ambulance. Original drama the likes of which ER would never attempt. The presiding ringmaster might well take under advisement the consideration of moving the three ring circus from the courthouse to the local hospital. Thats where the little clowns in the VW seem to spend most of their time. The benefits of the move would have a positive impact and definitely streamline the case.

A woman at a Wendy's Restaurant bit off a little more than she could chew. Seems the bowl of beef and beans was seasoned with a human finger. It gives a whole new meaning to the term "finger food". Officials initially pointed a finger at restaurant crewmembers, but a thorough investigation of all hands on deck at the time revealed a full compliment of digits. The finger has been printed and being compared with other prints from a tomato based data bank. Could this be a case of punitive measures undertaken by someone outraged when a coworker was caught red handed double dipping the corn chips into the chili dip at an office party?

Bobby Fischer just won his greatest chess match. In a highly controversial move, P-4 to K-3, he did a neat checkmate on the U.S. He moved to Iceland and has been granted citizenship there. Bobby committed a nefarious crime many years ago by engaging in a exhibition chess game in the former Yugoslavia, which at that time was under sanctions by the U.S. Although the two countries have an extradition treaty, it is highly unlikely that the chess capitol of the world will honor the treaty. I expect to see a large number of foreign terrorists and drug runners suddenly adding "chess master" to their resumes.

"American Idol" is not my favorite TV program. After once watching ten minutes of the show, I considered petitioning the FCC to label it as totally offensive and indecent. But the constant deluge of publicity brought on by the media makes it impossible for one to escape its reach and grip. Judge Simon could easily mount a coup in any Third World country and have himself elevated to the title of dictator for life. However, they were able to pull off a stunt that made the Election Commissioners of many states green with envy. Mistakenly, or so the producers of the show claimed, telephone numbers to elicit votes for the contenders suffered from dyslexia. When dialing a number to vote for one contestant, the vote actually registered for another. The network and the show had a brilliant idea. Broadcast an additional show to rectify the matter. Now TV shows make their money from advertisers. Advertisers buy airtime in advance for the specific day of the week, timeslot and of course popularity of the program. How then did the parties of the first and second part accomplish all of this in a twenty-four hour period? The network had to nix regularly scheduled programming. Cast and crew had to be lined up for the additional segment. I'm sure Simon had to stay up all night thinking of his witty discourse. Then again was an additional tape already in the can awaiting the moment the startling revelation was made?

"Oh Andy", sighed Barney.