Sorry. No Change To Spare

We have a new Manager-in-Training at our establishment. A young guy with that take charge attitude and hell bent on making changes. Of course I’m quite a bit older than him and in fact started in this business years before his birth. I’m set in my ways, but always willing to work a compromise for the better of anything. But Saturday afternoon as I was leaving work, he called me aside for a moment “to bend my ear” as he put it.

Seems he heard a comment of mine earlier in the day and felt that it might have been inappropriate since it was directed towards a young female counterpart. Let me first say that the young lady knows all the words, knows how to use them, and frequently goes off on a tangent that might make a sailor blush. But now I was the bad guy receiving fatherly advice and the round about sexual harassment lecture. I assured him that the statement as I remembered was purely innocuous and that I was capable of bigger and better innuendos. I gave him my thanks for the guidance and bade him a great weekend.

Later that evening his words gave me cause to rethink my situation in life and I decided that possibly I do need to "make some changes" as REO says. Sunday morning I awoke at 5:00 AM instead of the usual 4:00AM. That’s a change. Deciding that I didn’t wish to await the advent of spring later in the month, I immediately proclaimed this day to be the first day of spring and a new dawning of my life. (Again) Windows and doors were thrown open. Cleaning commenced. Large trash bags of accumulated junk were readied for the dumpster. As I cautiously removed Styrofoam containers from the refrigerator, I wondered if I should have delayed the project until renting a Hazmat suit. Condiments were carefully examined for expiration dates. No time for smell or taste tests. An uncashed U.S. Government check from the I.R.S. in the form of a tax refund, circa 1968, was found. Photos found their way into goodtimes/badtimes piles. Later in the afternoon the bbq grill was sparked. Spring has definitely sprung. Thank you, Mr. Manager.

Thank you for reminding me of the lout I have become. Hello. My name is Dan and I’m a sexual harassor. Sure I enjoy engaging in an occasional smidgen of frolic and banter, but only with those who know me or have come to know my harmless prattle . I have the highest respect and regard for the female of the species and have often advocated on their behalf when they faced inequality or injustice. I open doors, car doors, helped them on and off with coats, brought flowers, sent flowers. I have ventured out into the night to deliver medications, repair electrical and plumbing problems and provide an ear and shoulder when necessary. Perhaps, my drawback is that I am quiet and shy ; far from the rugged Harley trash talking type that women must secretly desire. Maybe that is what I should change. Take on a wham, bam, thank you ma’am mind-set. No more Mister Nice Guy.

Then again, who is this piece of crap trying to change my life? So, fuck you Mr. Manager. I won’t change . I may be dull, but once you get to know me, never boring and at times quite clever. You’ll soon learn