Modern Medicine At It's Best

It happened again. Right in the middle of one of my favorite TV programs. we entered a commercial break. Commercials are a necessary evil since they pay for the programming that I want to watch. But they now border on the ludicrous, rather than the informative. Take for example the ad I could not ignore the other night.

A well known pharmaceutical company was touting the benefit of the wonder drug, panacea for all that ails you, Boguslox. Now Boguslox will cure anything from ingrown toenails to cold sores; aching joints to bladder infections. Relieves heartburn. Use for high blood pressure, low blood pressure or no blood pressure. Cures most nasal and gastrointestinal dysfunctions. No disease or affliction can withstand the power packed in this little 50mg missile.. A virtual weapon of mass infectious destruction. However, the disclaimers worry me.

Side effects associated with the use of Boguslox include nausea, blurred vision and diarrhea which I can accept. But hair loss, hearing loss, halitosis, vertigo, seizure, narcolepsy, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, no blood pressure, speaking in tongues, eyelids slamming shut, hormonal instability and the increased awareness to the similarities of the philosophy attributed to Aristotle and Howard Stern?

Boguslox should not be used if you have a sensitivity to sunlight, moonlight, flashlight, candlelight, matches or temperatures of plus 212 dgrees F or minus 0 degrees C. Do not operate a motor vehicle, heavy equipment, power machinery, lawn mower, grass trimmer, pencils, scissors, flashlight, candles or matches while taking Boguslox. Do not attempt to parallel park or view loft Christmas decorations. Do not take Boguslox within 24 hours of ingesting whole, 2% or skim milks, bread, butter, eggs, meat, fruit, vegetables. soy substitutes, chicken, fish or Chinese food.

Assure that you take the medication daily at meal time. If diarrhea persists more than 72 hours, consult your physician.

Where are the guys with the snake oil and leeches when you need them?