10 signs you are forever single and a hopeless bachelor

You don’t fret the small stuff. Blue, green, red, or even pink items mixed in with your white colored laundry is inconsequential to daily affairs.

Your concept of urban sprawl means the bed is yours and yours alone.

You meditate by focusing on the refrigerator, rather than your navel, at 3:00 A.M., while finishing what remains of a twelve pack you started at 1:00 A.M.

You feel that toothpaste smudges on the edges of the medicine cabinet mirror are signs of true artistic creativity.

Your email spam filter permits a deluge of unsolicited dating sites and male enhancement products advertisements to reach your inbox.

You scour the Internet for recipes that will improve upon the traditional preparation of Ramen noodles.

Your cat climbs upon your lap and purrs softly in you ear, “Don’t worry about the litter box, wash the FUCKING dishes.”

The bar of soap in the shower reaches the size of a postage stamp before it is replaced.

Alimony, child support payments and beer and pizza allotments run neck and neck with the National Debt.

You prefer a brand of toilet paper sold at the dollar discount store, that could be used to refinish furniture.