Top 10 Things That Annoy Me

10. In making  a left turn out of the subdivision, you find it necessary to have a six minute window of opportunity  between the east and west bound cars to safely execute your turn. Take a chance, lady. Life doesn’t last forever.

 9. I have to wait for five minutes while you  back out of  your parking stall at 5:00 A.M. BECAUSE you are on the cell phone, fumbling with your coffee mug, applying eye liner and picking your nose all at the same time.

8. First of all, you have 37 items on the conveyer belt in the 20 items or less express lane at the supermarket. Then you flirt with the 18 year old blonde clerk, who is 50 years younger than you. You look so suave and sophisticated in your seer-sucker shorts, madras muscle shirt, black knee-length socks and sandals as your belly hangs over your belt and  nose hairs hang down past your upper lip. I must commend you, though, on the fine job you  have done combing back those hairs  growing out of your ears.

7.Your significant other sends you a text for which you must purchase  some ludicrous application in order to view it. You find that you have spent $1.99 in data charges to learn that you got the old heave-ho.

6. The managing partner of a boutique law firm  stops in for breakfast. He orders simple bacon and eggs.  It turns into the trial of the century  finding out how he wants his eggs “cooked.”

5. The weather forecaster predicts a 50% chance of rain. Is that a 50-50 chance of rain? It will rain or it won’t?

4. You see a great price for gas at the local station . You stop to refill, but the pump is disabled. Then you hear over the loudspeaker, “One moment please, while we reset the computers.” The gas price jumps 10 cents per gallon.

3. Your spouse calls you at work with a “good news; bad news” scenario. The good news, the rabbit died. Bad news is that the cause of death was a STD.

2. The price of a haircut as increased  dramatically, while the quantity of hair to be cut has decrease drastically.

And the number 1 annoyance;

In a low, sultry, sexy voice, she whispers in your ear, “I’ll do anything to please you. Just tell me.” So, you say, “How about…?” Her reply, “No, I can’t do that.”  So, you say, “Well, how about…?” “Nope, out of the question.”  Soon, 100 out of the 101 Ways has turned up negative.