Scary Thoughts I

You’re driving to work one morning and suddenly it hits you. A scary thought. In the middle of an important business meeting….a scary thought. That interview for the dream job you have waited for all your adult life has finally arrived and as you begin to answer that one crucial question, the one that will make you or break you, BAM….a scary thought.

The day you suddenly realize that your mother and father engaged in sex and you can visualize it.

George and Laura Bush engaged in sex. You can clearly hear it.
George: “Laura, come over here and let me show you my weapon of mass destruction.”
Laura: “Now George, you know there is not one ounce of intelligence nor evidence that proves there are any WMDs. Possibly a little pea shooter.”

Dick Chaney and Ahmad Chalabi having sex.

Rosie O’Donnell in a string bikini. Scary

Donald Rumsfeld in a string bikini. Heart attack scary.

Lewis Libby introducing himself as Scooter to his new cellmate, “Bubba” and all the while, “Bubba” is licking his lips. Scary for Scooter.

The Pope leading the boys’ choir in a rousing rendition of “Deutschland, Deutschland uber alles” at midnight mass at the Vatican.

Bill Clinton asking Jerry Falwell to be his mentor.

Falwell accepting the offer and invites Tammy Faye Baker over for a private party to celebrate.

You’re running late for work, but find you are the only car on the Interstate in either direction during rush hour.

You call 911 and receive an automated menu message.

Vince Shoemehl is elected Governor of the State of Missouri.

Bill Haas is elected Lt. Governor.

Sex, Religion and Bias

A Catholic school teacher in New York was fired the other day for breach of contract. Her breach? Showing up one day noticeably in an advanced stage of pregnancy. To make matters worse, the teacher is a single woman. The ACLU has entered the fray claiming discrimination. No wonder Lady Justice wears a blindfold.

I have been a card carrying member of both the Catholic church and the ACLU so it is difficult for me to take sides on the issue. I have the same dilemma when a St. Louis sports team plays their rivals from Chicago although I am considered by some to be a tourist because I didn’t attend high school in St. Louis. But that’s another story for another time.

The Catholic team premises their offense on an issue of morality and values. The teachers’ handbook states that each teacher will “convey the teachings of the Catholic faith by his or her words and actions.” (MSNBC.com) In other words the Catholic team teaches that sex between unmarried individuals is forbidden and immoral. Since the pregnancy was caused by sexual activity between unmarried individuals, the pregnancy is forbidden and a cause for concern since the little kindergarten students under the tutelage of this lady of ill repute will be exposed to the wrong game plan. I’m sure they will reflect on the issue of the teacher’s marital status while they eat their crayons and paste.

The ACLU mounts a strong defense. Pregnant single female teachers are easy to detect, while it is difficult to ascertain if single male teachers are engaging in illicit sexual activity. Besides if the male shows up with a big belly, he can always blame it on beer. So more female teachers face the prospect of disciplinary measures than their male counterpart. The defense is bolstered by a previous win in a similar case in Buffalo, N.Y. A Catholic Charities program was found to have violated federal anti-discrimination laws after demoting a pregnant single female.

So the female Catholic teacher is placed in a fourth down and long situation. She can abstain from sex, which is pretty boring even for a teacher. She can continue to work until her condition becomes obvious at which time she will be terminated. She can choose abortion which is the big no-no of the church. Not many good options there.

Sex outside of marriage has always been a sticky situation for the church. Even sex within the marital bed is frowned upon if contraceptives are used. Alternative lifestyle sex? Don’t even go there. Seminarians are now quizzed on sexual tendencies in an effort to separate the chaff from the wheat. Heterosexual candidates for the priesthood can remain, because it is assumed that they can control their urges and remain celibate. Homosexuals have an evil tendency and will undoubtedly seek relief. Is it not just possible in the grand scheme of things, that members of both groups are equally capable of being celibate or non celibate? Since males and females alike have been victims of sexual abuse at the hands of the clergy, I have difficulty suspecting a candidates qualification or potential based solely on sexual orientation.

I have a couple of questions for the church. First, as each day passes, the ranks of priests and Catholic school teachers dwindle. Where will the replacements come from in order to serve a growing Catholic population? Second, the Bible informs us that Adam and Eve only had two sons, Cain and Able. No mention of daughters anywhere. How did we end up with so many people?

Blood Money

I have taken my break as a hippie. During this time I have painted, made jewelry, learned to make candles, dabbled in poetry (this will come later) and grown my hair much to the chagrin of my employer. However unlike a true hippie, I have attempted to turn my new found talents down the path of financial gain making me one of those capitalistic pigs which we so abhor. In an effort to redeem myself and with a contrite heart, I will once again further my attack against the establishment.

The war does not go well. The death toll , both American Forces and innocent Iraqi citizens, rises like the mercury in a thermometer situated in the mouth of a patient consumed with fever. The arguments both pro and con on withdrawal of American troops negate one another. Criticism of Administration policy is countered with accusations of unpatriotic behavior. No one is left unscathed including highly decorated ex military members who have finally seen the light. Dubious intelligence comes to light, but those relying on the reliable/unreliable information presented at the time are admonished as if they were the ones to have spread such gibberish.

An incumbent Commander-in-Chief sports a power which far surpasses any supposed by all branches of government combined. Summon the members of the military to sit as an audience and a captive group is gathered. Schedule it on a day set aside to commemorate the price paid by military veterans. Wave the flag. Mention patriotism. The task is at hand and we must prevail for God, mom and apple pie. None of them believe they were sent forth and sacrificed for less than a noble cause. None of them believe that they are cannon fodder for an agenda. Yet, the cream of the Generation die and are maimed for reasons we can not truthfully explain.

Polls mean nothing. The President’s approval rating is down. The People want an end to the folly of war. But in the end all that really matters is shareholder’s approval of the dealings in the corporate board room. That is the accelerant to the fire of war.